I think what bothers me the most is that there's really nowhere I can go when I'm upset, no one in the world I can call and subject to my award-winning run-on thoughts without feeling like a super-intrusive burden. I'm just going to have to invent an imaginary friend, or write an AI, and doesn't that make me crazy?
Finally saw an endocrinologist today to arrange the follow-up bone scan I should have had two and a half years ago. Was treated to the OMG YOU ARE TOO YOUNG FOR THIS act AGAIN (but this time in a beautiful Polish accent) so will have to pee in jugs for 24 hours AGAIN and gave them ten vials of blood AGAIN. Then I had to tell her exactly how much weight I have gained in two years, and she freaked out and wants to have me tested for a hundred improbable disorders and I can never get through to them that YES, I CAN IN FACT JUST HAVE EATEN THAT MUCH, I AM VERY DETERMINED SOMETIMES. Then I had to go to other-job so they could take the rest of my blood, and I had a splitting headache BEFORE that. I saw Richie who usually makes me calm and peaceful, but it did not work and I just wanted to go to Target and buy twenty dollars' worth of dishes and go outside and break them. And then I saw the other one, who makes me very stupid and also want to stab myself in the face, and suddenly I understood why girls cut themselves.
I drove west on the interstate for a while because I didn't want to go home. The angel-cat-owl-Kowl Cymbeline rode on the floor, and I dipped fingers of glitter out of the candle-well and let it blow back out the window.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
I picture empty skies in my dreams
Today I made amazing progress in cleaning downstairs; now it looks like somewhere I might want to live. This was fabulous except when I realized the box with the old PS2 keyboards and mice and spare power cables was now on the bottom of the pile in the closet under the stairs. WHICH I NEEDED to resurrect Ada and then blow my eardrums out converting tape to mp3, because I cannot let well enough alone.
I just permitted boy to squirt things up my nose, so I can breathe for the next thirty minutes. I should use this opportunity to go to bed, but that is not likely.
Alexis sleeps quietly in his blanket in the box of peaches. I have no bacta tank or healing crystal for his mortal wounds so have sewn him up the best I can and must let time work a miracle. We will wake him when we are ready. I lie on the floor next to the windows and listen to the sky.
I just permitted boy to squirt things up my nose, so I can breathe for the next thirty minutes. I should use this opportunity to go to bed, but that is not likely.
Alexis sleeps quietly in his blanket in the box of peaches. I have no bacta tank or healing crystal for his mortal wounds so have sewn him up the best I can and must let time work a miracle. We will wake him when we are ready. I lie on the floor next to the windows and listen to the sky.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Merricat said Connie
DISCLAIMER: I am currently on three different allergy and/or cold medicines, because none of them are working.
The black squirrel has not come back; I may post LOST signs around the neighborhood. I hear they are abundant in Council Bluffs and will venture across the river with a bag of small traps. The cardinal is a frequent visitor, though, so surely he will spread the word.
I attempted a French manicure and have decided that it would only be worthwhile to do in purple and black. If I wanted my nails to be pink with white tips, I would not be painting them in the first place kthx.
The wind is very noisy in the trees tonight. Usually that would mean I would be soothed and sleeping, but OMG snot. There is also the sound of men laughing outside. That sound frequently makes me panic and run run run. I will assign a squirrel to each corner of the yard.
Oh, so angry, all the time, I think if anyone knew just how angry they would back away from me slowly until they fell over backwards into the ocean. I tend to leave a trail of flaming carnage in my wake Princess Sailor me but I am a unicorn, and unicorns do not regret.
I did not turn into a pumpkin*. I did not even turn into a peach. I may resort to watercolors.
The black squirrel has not come back; I may post LOST signs around the neighborhood. I hear they are abundant in Council Bluffs and will venture across the river with a bag of small traps. The cardinal is a frequent visitor, though, so surely he will spread the word.
I attempted a French manicure and have decided that it would only be worthwhile to do in purple and black. If I wanted my nails to be pink with white tips, I would not be painting them in the first place kthx.
The wind is very noisy in the trees tonight. Usually that would mean I would be soothed and sleeping, but OMG snot. There is also the sound of men laughing outside. That sound frequently makes me panic and run run run. I will assign a squirrel to each corner of the yard.
Oh, so angry, all the time, I think if anyone knew just how angry they would back away from me slowly until they fell over backwards into the ocean. I tend to leave a trail of flaming carnage in my wake Princess Sailor me but I am a unicorn, and unicorns do not regret.
I did not turn into a pumpkin*. I did not even turn into a peach. I may resort to watercolors.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE
I have purchased Neutrogena MicroMist faux tanning object, with intent. I think I will practice on legs to make sure it doesn't turn me into a pumpkin before I try my face. I am heartbroken that the Agent Orange I used to use has been discontinued, since my application met with Bertha Parker's approval and therefore must have been without fault.
Today has been an anti-day, because I was supposed to work, but she called and canceled at 8:20 this morning. So I was all worked up and had no chance to express it safely and harmlessly. Boy has several new scars.
THERE IS A BLACK SQUIRREL THAT VISITS MY YARD; this is the ideal and certain sign of good fortune for my future, present, and past endeavors. I intend to supply it with ample corn and peanuts and blood sacrifices. Mother told me that cardinals eat black sunflower seeds, so I must also put those out, as cardinals carry the spirit of my dead grandfather. I know they are near, for I have heard them.
The trees in back have been tentatively identified as some variety of ash. I will have to think about this.
I was given a pass to Warren Buffett's annual big shareholder party, but large mobs of people inspire terror and I might drop my tail, so I am keeping it as a souvenir instead. I could theoretically have saved $$$ on jewelry, but I doubt it would have been to my taste. tiger eye tiger eye tiger eye
I have discovered TAB at Kroger. OH NOES WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN
Today has been an anti-day, because I was supposed to work, but she called and canceled at 8:20 this morning. So I was all worked up and had no chance to express it safely and harmlessly. Boy has several new scars.
THERE IS A BLACK SQUIRREL THAT VISITS MY YARD; this is the ideal and certain sign of good fortune for my future, present, and past endeavors. I intend to supply it with ample corn and peanuts and blood sacrifices. Mother told me that cardinals eat black sunflower seeds, so I must also put those out, as cardinals carry the spirit of my dead grandfather. I know they are near, for I have heard them.
The trees in back have been tentatively identified as some variety of ash. I will have to think about this.
I was given a pass to Warren Buffett's annual big shareholder party, but large mobs of people inspire terror and I might drop my tail, so I am keeping it as a souvenir instead. I could theoretically have saved $$$ on jewelry, but I doubt it would have been to my taste. tiger eye tiger eye tiger eye
I have discovered TAB at Kroger. OH NOES WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN
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